The Broken Nose Story

So, although I should be packing for our move, which is in approximately 17 days, I've had enough demand for "The Broken Nose Story" that I need to get this out of the way. Geez, you people are pushy ;-)

So, without going into too much personal detail, the days surrounding Christmas were extremely stressful. I got notice that I was being kicked out of my house, had to secure a new place to live, and wrestled with the fact that I had only 3-weeks to pack up a family of four and a 2400 square-foot house on my own. On top of that, there was the typical, emotional, recently-divorced holiday drama, which was highly unpleasant, to say the least. Between all of that, and just the normal level of exhaustion that plagues us all around the holidays, I was pretty well spent.

After surviving Christmas Day (a miracle, if there ever was one), my brother came over that night so we could wrap up our viewing of "Megashark VS. Crocosaurus" (holiday classic, of course), and he brought some Sonic food with him. I was initially aggravated when he showed up, 8-mile long chili-cheese coney and fries in hand for himself, and nothing for me (sniff, sniff), but when the fast-food Gods smiled in my favor and screwed up his order, I scored some free tater tots, for which I happily gloated. My gloating, (as well as a few other rotten comments that will go unmentioned), came back to bite me in the rear around 4:30 in the morning.

Food poisoning! Yes! Just what everyone wants for Christmas, of course, and what caused me to shoot chunks of tater tots from my mouth and nose for a good 20-minutes. I knew that karma had paid me a visit in the wee hours of that morning, so I quickly acknowledged and apologized for my wrong-doing, and crawled back into bed. I awoke around 9:30, feeling decent enough to eat some breakfast, and around noon, I felt good enough to try to tackle some day-after-Christmas bargain shopping.

If there is one thing that I have never learned, it is how not to push myself. I'm stubborn and determined, so if I have my mind set on something, there isn't a whole lot that can successfully stand in my way. I managed to knock a few stores off of my list, purchasing some new bed pillows that I'd been coveting for months, as well as a new pair of boots for work. I felt pretty good, and was staying hydrated, so I ventured on to the next store so I could purchase some work pants with a gift card I had received for Christmas.

Even after what seemed like an eternity in the dressing room, I felt fine, albeit a little tired. I conceded that this would probably be my last store for the day, and that I should probably head home for a nap, and got in line to pay for my pants. Right before it was my turn at the register, a very strange feeling came over me that only reassured me that my decision to go home was the right one. I removed my coat, and took a drink of water, but nothing helped. I grew increasingly warm, light-headed, and a little nauseous, but made it to the register, where I apologized to the cashier for leaning on the counter, explaining I didn't feel well. She hurried through my transaction, and I asked her if there was a place I could sit down once I completed my purchase. She went to grab a chair, and pointed to where it was, and that was the last thing I remember.

I woke up on the cold tile floor, with people standing over me, asking me a battery of questions, like, "Can you hear us?" and "Do you have any conditions we should know about?" I could hear them, obviously, but everything was dark, and my nose hurt. When I finally opened my eyes, there were people talking to me, offering ways to help and so forth, but at that point, I felt a million times better, although my nose had grown increasingly painful. That's when it started bleeding profusely, and once I got to the point where I could stand up and walk to the aforementioned chair, I had already soaked through a couple of handfuls of paper towels. Good times.

So there I was, like a total rock star, sitting in a chair, holding a paper towel to my face. Stellar. I called my parents to come pick me up, and then called my brother to relay my hilarious story. It was clear that my body had basically reached its breaking point, and although I wish I could sit here and say that I got into a fight with someone over a really cute outfit, that simply wasn't the case. It's still funny, though.

After I got home and assessed the damage, I realized that I had actually split my nose, just below my septum, and along my right nostril, but nothing major. We figure I must have hit the counter on the way down, or something. My insurance wasn't due to kick in for another 6 days, so even if I had needed stitches, I probably wouldn't have gotten them. I was just thankful I didn't bust anything else. Lord knows I can't afford dental work as a working, single mom.

Now I'm just dealing with the joys of swelling and sinus congestion. My right nostril started to drain yesterday, which means that the swelling is going down, I guess. Not that I can blow my nose anyway, because it's far too uncomfortable, but it's better than being congested. Last night, I sneezed for the first time, and it shot pain clear down into my front teeth and back into my ears. Besides those rare occasions when the pain is escalated, it basically just feels like a bad sinus headache, and the splits are healing up nicely. Scars are cool, anyway.

So, that's it. Nobody beat me up. I wasn't in an accident. I was just a victim of holiday stress, who refused to let go of a cute pair of pants.