Why?

This is a little segment I like to call "Why?" I'll probably be doing blogs like these from time to time, because I never fail to come across things that make me scratch my head (which, of course, I feel the need to share with all of you).

Why? #1: All Camo, All The Time
There I was, a couple of weeks ago, minding my own business, running my errands, when I encounter an entirely mossy-oak camo Chevy Suburban in the parking lot. What is truly sad about that last sentence is that I actually know what type of camo these people used to cover their truck (sigh). They left no surface of this vehicle un-camo. The side mirrors? Camo. Chevy emblem? Camo. Door handles? Camo. "Why?", I ask you-- "Why?"

Why? #2: The Creepy Pirate Chimp
Okay, no offense to my brother, but I really believe he is the only person alive who would actually want this ugly thing as a lawn ornament. What I find sort of ironic about this tacky statue, is the fact that human pirates are often seen with crazy little monkeys on their shoulders, as an alternative to parrots. Interesting. Anyway, that doesn't change the fact that having this thing in my garden give me nightmares.

Why? #3: The X-Rated Bubble Wands
Now, you sit there and tell me, with a straight face, that these do not look like something you'd find in an adult gift shop. Nope, these are actually bubble wands, for children. I ran across these while I was in St. Louis for the kids' Spring Break. You, too, can have one of your very own if you visit your local Dollar Tree. I got a real good laugh when I read the "red hot summer toys" label. So wrong.



















Why? #4: The "Chips" Boys Hanging Anywhere In An Actual Home
Awhile back, I actually saw another one with just Ponch, which said something about "Ponch's Love Meter" (I am not joking). No wonder these things were on clearance! Why would anyone hang this metal sign in their place of residence? "Always wear protection...", good grief.

So, that's what I have for this edition of "Why?". I'm sure there will be much more to come-- I'm always taking pictures of random, puzzling crap.

After 30 Comes 31

Let me just say that 31 was so much less painful that 30. Yes, I'm referring to birthdays. Normally, I'm not a big fan of my own birthday, but I think I've finally reached the age where I just don't care. Good, bad, ugly, young, or, old, it just really isn't that big of a deal.

That isn't to say that this year's birthday wasn't good-- it was great! Fancy Nancy threw a birthday party for me (and my girlfriends) at the Purple Glaze a few days before my actual birthday. It was so nice of her! She even made some of the most delicious cookies, for which I am sharing the recipe, because I think everyone should experience these!

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Peanut-Butter-Cup-Cookies/Detail.aspx?src=etaf

Anyway, Nancy figured a glazing party would be right up my artistic alley, and she was right-- I loved it! It's so cool, because you have all these fun pieces of pottery to choose from (seriously, everything from cookie jars, to plates, to figurines), and then you get to glaze them however you want. When you pick them up a few days later, they're all glossy and gorgeous.

I glazed a couple of plates. I totally love my pear plate, and my tree plate turned out okay, too. I wish I would've had more time to work on that one, but oh well-- it turned out pretty cute anyway. Amanda, Ami, Jen, Nancy, and I all had a fun time. Luckily, the glazing studio is one less than a mile from my house, and the price was really reasonable, too, so I am totally going back!

http://purpleglazestudio.com/

Then, on my actual birthday, Eric and the kids took me out to lunch at Big Daddy's for BBQ. Yum! You can't beat a smoked bologna sandwich and baked beans on your birthday. The kids were absolutely bonkers at the restaurant, but other than that, it was good. When we got back, Eric had to give me a "disclaimer" regarding my birthday present from the kids. That's always scary. He said that, when he asked the kids what they wanted to get me, Gabe said, "A spaceship." For the record, this is his answer whenever we ask this question. Just because he wants a spaceship, he assumes everyone else does, too. After Eric talked him out of it, there was apparently talk of a "pink ballerina" because "all girls like pink ballerinas, and Mommy is a girl". Thankfully, Eric talked them out of that, too. Then, the kids unanimously voted on buying me the new car I had my eye on about a month ago. Can I just say that I take back every bad thing I've ever said about my kids? SO sweet of them! Unfortunately, there's just no way we could afford to get Mommy a new car for her birthday, but it's the thought that counts. So, it was off to Bass Pro Shop. I know-- you're thinking, "Bass Pro Shop? For a birthday present for you?" Yes. However, I am happy to report that my kids know me all to well, because they immediately went to the shoe department to pick out my gift, and I wound up with a pair of zebra-print Sanuks (which I really had been wanting). So comfy.

After that, Jarrod and I went downtown to a little bike-themed art show called "Cranked". It was really cool to see some local talent, especially since it was all bike-related. We took down some info about one particular artist, because now we're both interested in getting some prints.

http://cullenkoger.com/

As we were leaving downtown, Jarrod got called in to work (server farm issues), so luckily we weren't far from the office. That's how we spent a good part of the afternoon, unfortunately, but what can you do? Then, we grabbed a quick bite, before getting called back downtown early that evening, which was really frustrating for Jarrod, since we had arena football tickets for the Talons. Nevertheless, Biv and Matt picked me up from Jarrod's work, and we went on to the game. On the ride over, Biv gave me an awesome, farting birthday card (yep, even at 31, I still enjoy good fart humor), and the new Dave Matthews album. Sweet!

I had never been to an arena football game, so I was pretty pumped. They should post a big warning sign outside, though, telling you of all the serious fashion victims you will witness during your time inside. One woman in particular (and I'm so bummed I couldn't get a picture of her), we named "Pretty In Pink". Picture this if you will: An overly-tanned, middle-aged fake blonde, wearing what appeared to be a matching set of gym shorts and a tank top, with flourescent pink and gray horizontal stripes running all over them. Normally, this wouldn't have been too terribly shocking, but this woman (in Biv's words) "made those shorts look like a thong". A lotta jiggling. I thought Biv was going to be sick. Anyway, given that her outfit was SO loud, we tried to locate her during the game, to snap a picture, but we failed (so you're just going to have to use your imagination). Overall, the game was good (we won). Part-way through the first half, the mascot, "Swoop" (a giant, blue eagle or hawk, or something), came and sat with us, and began tickling my ear. Nothing like being molested by a giant bird on your birthday-- every girl's dream. Ha-ha. Okay, so not true.

So, that was my birthday, in a nutshell. Pottery-painting, new shoes, an art show, a server farm, and getting molested by a giant, hairy, blue bird. Can't ask for more than that, right?

C'mon, Moms-- Be Honest

Okay, this is just a random, TMI question that I have for all you moms:

Do you spontaneously get "felt-up" by your kids? Is this normal?

I ask because I can't tell you how often the boys grab my boobs, for no real apparent reason. I have given them the whole that's-not-good-manners lecture, but it doesn't seem to work. At this point, I am just waiting for them to violate some innocent woman in Walmart.

Yeah, no pictures for this one.

The Boys' First Trip To The Dentist

Yes, I'm sure you're thinking, "They're five. They're just now going to the dentist?" The answer is yes.

I personally hate the dentist, which only happened after I popped out my grublets, and wound up with my teeth destroyed from all the fun stomach acid I yacked-up over the months of my pregnancies. Still, I probably should've taken the boys in before now. Oops.

So, Tuesday morning, they had their very first dentist appointment! I wasn't entirely sure how to prepare them for it, so I just made mention of "tooth-brushing machines" and "water vacuums". They actually grew excited just hearing about that, so I was relieved. The technicians preferred that Eric and I didn't go back there with the boys during their cleaning, which surprised me, but they did just fine. We finally got to go back when the dentist did their exam, and they looked so cute in their little sunglasses!

They were so excited to tell us about everything, running their mouths ninety-miles-a-minute. That's always fun when both of them are trying to talk. Geez. There was a lot of excited rambling about "Sponge-Bob toothpaste" and "special bubble-gum" and "picking a prize out of the basket". That's all I remember-- lots of enthusiastic noise.

So, the dentist told us that Gabe has skewed jaw alignment when he bites down. I could've told you that, just by the way the kid smiles (it's always cocked to one side). How long have I been telling people, "You can tell the boys apart by the way they smile"? Forever? This means he has to go to the orthodontist to get fitted for a retainer that will widen his jaw as he grows, so that they both fit into each other better. Anyway, Josh didn't have any real problems, but both of the boys got a little talking-to about thumb-sucking (thank you, Dr. Merrill!) Yep, five years old, and still sucking their thumbs sometimes. Ugh! We are thinking of putting dish soap on their thumbs as a deterent (which is better than what Eric originally suggested-- he wants to use that Apple Bitter stuff you get at the pet store to keep dogs from chewing on things). Yeah... I know.

Cartoon Confusion

Okay, so admittedly, a mom is the only person who would even post something like this, but here goes.

Nickelodeon has me troubled. There, I said it. Maybe I'm just a devoted Disney Channel and PBS mom, but I find myself growing increasingly disturbed by Nickelodeon programming. So many of the shows geared towards kids like mine leave me with huge question-marks floating over my head. Here are some of my questions/concerns:

1) Max and Ruby: Don't get me wrong, I actually don't mind the show all that much-- there are far worse things, and my kids love it (especially Quincy). However, there are a couple of things about that show that puzzle me, which I have discussed with other parents, who share my confusion. First of all, where are Max and Ruby's parents? They never tell you! Their grandparents are in the picture quite often, but yet it seems as though Ruby is the mother-figure here. Are they orphan bunnies? Did their parents fall victim to redneck rabbit hunters? Roadkill, maybe? I for one would like to know where their parents are, mostly because I find Ruby to be a little on the annoying side (stupid know-it-all, bossing Max around all the time). And speaking of Max, he's no saint, either-- blurting out those stupid one-word statements all the time. Now my kids are doing it to make demands, and it annoys the crap out of me.

2) Sponge-Bob Square-Pants: All I have to say about this show is that I hate it. It's weird. Now my kids even call it weird, because they've heard me mutter that very phrase out-loud so many times.

3) Oswald: While Oswald is a cute show, totally mellow with cute animation, there is still one thing that I just don't get-- Weenie. Yes, Weenie. Oswald (an octopus) has a pet dachsund named (you guessed it) "Weenie". What's worse is that the dog actually walks around inside a hot dog bun. The first time I heard Oswald call the poor dog's name, I thought, "Really? This is all they could come up with? Why didn't they just name the dog "Schlong" or "Rod"?" Perhaps the most disturbing part about this pooch is the fact that it's a girl dog. I didn't even realize that until much later in my Oswald experience, when he called, "Weenie! Here, girl!" My jaw dropped, and I've been confused ever since. (Thanks a lot, Biv.)

4) Wubzy: Like "Max and Ruby", I don't exactly mind this show-- not the way I mind Sponge-Bob, for instance, but Wubzy's character is yet another one that leaves me a bit confused. For one thing, what is Wubzy? I can't figure it out. It's like a yellow square with a long tail and an overly-cheerful expression. What do they call that? It doesn't have big enough ears to be a rabbit, no kitty whiskers, and no characteristics that lead me to believe that it's a dog. The best I can tell, Wubzy is a mammal of some kind, but that's as far as I've gotten. I can't even decipher Wubzy's gender at this point, which leaves me equally troubled. It's voice (yes, it's voice), is so completely gender-neutral, that it could really swing either way. I demand to know Wubzy's true gender. What is this-- the cartoon version of SNL's old skit, "It's Pat"? Don't plague me with such questions!

I cannot believe I just ranted on for several paragraphs about Nickelodeon programming. I should have my head examined.

Had I Been A Betting Woman...

Okay, so seeing as I am going to have a little more time on my hands for the next couple of months, I am going to make it a goal to do the daily blogging (Heather, what can I say-- you are inspirational in that department-- along with your commitment to diligent scrapbooking).

So, last Sunday, Eric took the kiddos to the lake house (yep, I'm blogging about last weekend). Being the maniacs that they are, the kids wanted to swim, even though the water was still really cold (dorks). Unfortunately, what normally would've been a pleasant afternoon quickly turned bad when Josh slipped and fell on the steps going back up to the cabin. The house is built into the side of a hill, and the steps and ramps leading from the shore back up to the house can be pretty treacherous, even for an able adult.

Like any normal person, Josh stuck his arm out to catch himself. This simple act caused him to break that arm in two places. Lovely. Had I been a betting woman, I would've thought for sure that Quincy would've been the first of my kids to obtain a broken bone (being my little Daredevil Princess, and all). Gabe would've been second on my list-- what with all of his crazy fantasy behavior. Josh would've been my absolute last pick. Eric didn't know it was broken immediately, but Josh was clearly in pain, so Eric drove the kids back to town so that Josh could go to Urgent Care for some x-rays.

Well, x-rays revealed a break just above and below his elbow-- poor guy! With it being a Sunday, he couldn't get a cast for it, but they made a fiberglass splint for it, wrapped it in an ace bandage, and called it good until Monday morning. Then, we took Josh into Eric's orthopaedist (it's just plain sad that Eric even has an orthopaedist at 31 years of age). They confirmed the breaks, and put a cast on Josh (red, of course-- although Eric tried to talk him into camo). He screamed bloody-murder, but once the cast was done, he was so excited that his arm was suddenly pain-free.

Here he is, milking the "sad face" for all it's worth.

So, here we are in present-day, and Josh had a follow-up x-ray this morning, to make sure everything is setting right, which it is. That means he has two more weeks in his lovely red cast. I still can't believe that he did this a whopping two days into summer vacation, but it could be worse. We saw a kid at the doctor this morning with a camo cast over his entire leg-- even up over his thigh. Yeah, he looked pleased, let me tell you. At least Josh can get his cast wet, so it doesn't slow down summer activities too much (just no Slip n' Slide).

Me Likey The Red Box

Okay, that is a complete understatement-- me LOVE the Red Box!

For those of you who don't know, Red Box is the best, fastest, most awesome way to rent movies ever in the history of the universe (shout out to Mr. Biv, who turned me onto this!) Here's why I love this service:

1) It's cheap! It's just $1.00 (+tax) per night to rent a movie. Most of their inventory is new releases, which is awesome. It doesn't matter if you rent your movie at 7:00 in the morning, or 7:00 at night, it's always due by 9:00 p.m. the next day. Let's compare that to good ol' Blockbuster, where it costs 4-5 times that much to rent a single movie (boo!)

2) It's fast. Let's face it-- I have three little kids, and it's an absolute nightmare to drag them into Blockbuster, while I peruse the new releases, and actually try to read plot summaries in order to make my selection (the scenario I just described is an actual impossibility in my world). They turn into maniacs when they see all the kids' movies, and the butt-loads of candy while I am desperately trying to wait in line with them without having to just ditch my movie and leave. So, imagine my outright glee when I realized that I could simply pull my car up to the curb next to the Red Box, while the kids waited inside! Best of all, the whole process takes less time than filling up a tank of gas.

3) It's super-convenient. There is a website, where I can simply type in my zip code to view the Red Boxes near my house, and where I can view the titles that are available at each location! No more standing there, trying to decide which movie I want-- I can do it at my desk. Plus, if I see something I want, I can reserve it for a few hours, to make sure it's there when I get there!

4) No strings attached. There are no memberships, or weird rules. It's super easy. The first time I rented from a Red Box, it asked for my name and e-mail address. Then, I picked my movie from the touch screen, swiped my credit card, and out popped my movie! Now, since I've rented there before, all I have to do is choose my movie, swipe my card, and it automatically knows who I am. I also don't have to stand around, waiting for it to print a receipt, because it sends one directly to my e-mail box.

5) Tons of locations. While there are several Red Boxes within 5 miles of my house, I usually hit one that is literally a whopping mile from my house outside of a Walgreens, so the entire roundtrip journey takes all of ten minutes, maybe. You can't beat that. At this rate, Blockbuster may never see my bright, shining face again!

For more info, go to http://www.redbox.com/! I highly recommend it! (Oh, and for the record, it's not 8,000 locations anymore-- it's 15,000!)