Cartoon Confusion

Okay, so admittedly, a mom is the only person who would even post something like this, but here goes.

Nickelodeon has me troubled. There, I said it. Maybe I'm just a devoted Disney Channel and PBS mom, but I find myself growing increasingly disturbed by Nickelodeon programming. So many of the shows geared towards kids like mine leave me with huge question-marks floating over my head. Here are some of my questions/concerns:

1) Max and Ruby: Don't get me wrong, I actually don't mind the show all that much-- there are far worse things, and my kids love it (especially Quincy). However, there are a couple of things about that show that puzzle me, which I have discussed with other parents, who share my confusion. First of all, where are Max and Ruby's parents? They never tell you! Their grandparents are in the picture quite often, but yet it seems as though Ruby is the mother-figure here. Are they orphan bunnies? Did their parents fall victim to redneck rabbit hunters? Roadkill, maybe? I for one would like to know where their parents are, mostly because I find Ruby to be a little on the annoying side (stupid know-it-all, bossing Max around all the time). And speaking of Max, he's no saint, either-- blurting out those stupid one-word statements all the time. Now my kids are doing it to make demands, and it annoys the crap out of me.

2) Sponge-Bob Square-Pants: All I have to say about this show is that I hate it. It's weird. Now my kids even call it weird, because they've heard me mutter that very phrase out-loud so many times.

3) Oswald: While Oswald is a cute show, totally mellow with cute animation, there is still one thing that I just don't get-- Weenie. Yes, Weenie. Oswald (an octopus) has a pet dachsund named (you guessed it) "Weenie". What's worse is that the dog actually walks around inside a hot dog bun. The first time I heard Oswald call the poor dog's name, I thought, "Really? This is all they could come up with? Why didn't they just name the dog "Schlong" or "Rod"?" Perhaps the most disturbing part about this pooch is the fact that it's a girl dog. I didn't even realize that until much later in my Oswald experience, when he called, "Weenie! Here, girl!" My jaw dropped, and I've been confused ever since. (Thanks a lot, Biv.)

4) Wubzy: Like "Max and Ruby", I don't exactly mind this show-- not the way I mind Sponge-Bob, for instance, but Wubzy's character is yet another one that leaves me a bit confused. For one thing, what is Wubzy? I can't figure it out. It's like a yellow square with a long tail and an overly-cheerful expression. What do they call that? It doesn't have big enough ears to be a rabbit, no kitty whiskers, and no characteristics that lead me to believe that it's a dog. The best I can tell, Wubzy is a mammal of some kind, but that's as far as I've gotten. I can't even decipher Wubzy's gender at this point, which leaves me equally troubled. It's voice (yes, it's voice), is so completely gender-neutral, that it could really swing either way. I demand to know Wubzy's true gender. What is this-- the cartoon version of SNL's old skit, "It's Pat"? Don't plague me with such questions!

I cannot believe I just ranted on for several paragraphs about Nickelodeon programming. I should have my head examined.